Welcome Back

It has been two years since I last blogged. Let’s just say I have been in the trenches of mommyhood. My two years summed up.

Sleep deprived
Coffee fueled

The list goes on and on.

My husband and I have been raising two amazing boys who make us laugh and keep us on our toes all in the same breath. They are high energy and are always getting into things. Miraculously, we have only had one broken bone although I feel like its not going to be the last time we end up in the hospital.

I love watching them grow. Nothing makes me prouder then seeing them become the little boys they are.


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The boys are getting super close. Cole will do anything that Jack does, thus the broken bone. Jack is so protective of Cole. They love each other fiercely. Don’t get me wrong,they can fight! I remember Jack saying when Cole was a baby that he couldn’t wait for him to grow up so that they could play together. He gets to have that now. And it is amazing to watch.

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So I am back. I am going to try and blog more regularly now. Now that I feel like I am out of the trenches. But my focus will be on mommyhood. The good, the bad, and the ugly!


My Birth Story – Take 2


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I guess you could say our mission for this birth beyond a healthy baby and healthy momma was a VBAC. We unfortunately had to have a csection with Jack and although the recovery was tough, I did recover quite quickly. But now we had a 23 month old running around and that same recovery would be a lot more difficult. Not being able to pick him up And cuddle him as he was used to would have made me so sad. Not to mention the practical things like being able to drive him to daycare would mean Dave taking a lot more time off with which just wasn’t feasible. 

We had a VBAC consultation and we were given about a 60% success of being able to have one. My age played a factor as well as how things went with the delivery of Jack which was 40 hours of labour and only got to 6cm dilated. They recommended scheduling a csection for our due date and see what happens prior to. If we went into labour naturally… Great! If not, they didn’t want me going over 40 weeks so that’s when we would have the csection. Our midwives agreed with the approach and so the waiting began! Would I go into labour naturally?

Well we certainly helped things along. Acupuncture and membrane sweeps were undertaken and a week prior to my due date my water broke at about 2:30am. 

I ended up having to go into into the hospital right away for antibiotics so I called my mom who came over to look after Jack. This was about 5am.  I was pretty emotional. Not about the impending birth but leaving Jack and not knowing how long it would be until I saw him again. 

After our first round of antibiotics we were allowed to go back home so we saw Jack off to daycare and 4 hours later went back to the hospital. My contractions at this point were about 5 1/2 min apt but I was working for them. Lunging and hip shaking. As soon as I stopped, they stalled. At the hospital I was about 10 min apart again and only 1 cm dilated. This was very reminiscent of labour with Jack and after a consult with the OB,we decided to induce. At this point, I wasn’t optimistic about having a VBAC. And to top it all off, Jack was sent home sick and I was so sad I couldn’t be there for him. Every time I talked about him I started to cry. 

 I had decided early on that I would see how far I could go without the epidural. I really don’t know why I waited so long again. I had one contraction that literally brought me to tears and I was calling for the drugs! I was able to get it pretty fast but really it was probably an hour before I was pain free. Again, I curse myself for waiting so long!! 

They finally reexamined me again after the epidural was in place and I was 7cm! I actually couldn’t believe it because after all I went through with Jack, I wasn’t convinced my body could do it naturally. At this point I really felt like the VBAC was going to happen!! Now to just sit back and relax while the epidural took the pain away and I dilated the rest of the way! 

2 hours later I was ready to start pushing! It was kind of a weird thing. Pushing and not really knowing what was happening. Thank goodness I had my doula, midwife and the nurses who were amazing coaches and of course Dave who was a constant support. 

After about 30 min, they realized the baby was ROP so they called the OB to see if they could turn the baby. The next 45 min were a blur. Pushing, then trying to turn the baby, the extreme pain, then the vacuum, more pain, me saying I couldn’t do this, people multiplying in the room. Every time I opened my eyes there were more nurses. I think there were 4 nurses, 2 OB’s, a midwife, our doula and Dave. I feel like there were more people too but I found it all so overwhelming so kept my eyes closed. 

Everyone was amazing though. All the voices telling me I could do it and to not give up. Because I wanted to give up but I also wanted it to be over so every time they told me to push, I pushed despite the pain and the voices in my head saying “stop”!

I remember my doula kept saying to look your baby is being born but Until I felt them put him on my chest I didn’t believe it was close to being over. 

And then we had this beautiful little boy. What a moment. Seeing him on my chest and seeing his perfect little face. And it made all the pain worth it. I didn’t get to experience this moment with Jack so it was a cherished one indeed. Cole Griffin Ryan was born at 7:30pm on February 18th.

Dave and I both got to do skin to skin with him and before we knew it we were heading up stairs for the night. We had done it! And our little family was now complete. 

I laugh now as they were cleaning up Cole and instead of basking in the moment I said that I would never do that again and had the room laughing. Of course I was thrilled by our little boy but I wasn’t prepared for that kind of pain and am quite content to never go through that again. We have a fabulous family of four and I couldn’t ask for anything more. 

I experienced two very different births.  And have two amazing little boys to show for it. Life is good. 

Life as we know it


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Our current life as we know it is about to change. Baby #2 is due in about 3 1/2 weeks.

As much as I am excited to have our little family of 4 and meet this new little guy, I have been super emotional thinking about Jack and how he won’t have our undivided attention anymore. I’ve been trying to make the most of the last couple months and spend as much time with him as I can. Things are going to change and I want to make sure that he doesn’t feel left out and ignored and still feels all the love from not only his mommy and daddy but everyone else.

Some of our daily routines have change slightly so that when the baby arrives we don’t change things too much for him. It makes me sad that I am going to have to change our morning routine where Jack normally comes into bed with us and we cuddle and laugh and be silly but the baby will be sleeping in our room for the first few months. Sleeping baby and an early rising toddler won’t really mix. Hopefully we can go back to our routine eventually though because it has been a time I cherish!

I’ve been wondering about how to introduce Jack to the baby. I’ve heard bringing the baby in the room after Jack has already had some one on one time with me although that may not be possible in the hospital. I’ve heard buying a small gift from the baby to his big brother Jack is helpful. I Would love to hear tips that have worked for others especially when young children are involved who might not fully understand what’s happening.

I’ve also been thinking about what happens when the baby gets home and people come for visits. My line has been “the baby won’t know he’s being ignored but Jack will” so I’m hoping people will pay attention to Jack first, new baby second. I also want to have a few small gifts on hand so that if a baby gift comes that Jack also has something to open as well.

I know my attention will be divided when the baby arrives so making sure I carve out time for one on one Jack time is going to be super important. He is going to be at daycare during the day so in the morning and in the evening making sure he gets quality time with both Dave and I. I know there are going to be times when we can’t just do what he wants any more and hopefully he will understand that as soon as we are done attending to the baby that we can spend that time. I think the key is not just saying “I don’t have time right now” but letting him know that as soon as I’m done feeding, changing or getting the baby to sleep or whatever it is that we can read that book, play that game etc.

I want Jack to be our little helper with respect to the baby. I think having his involvement in various baby chores will make him feel like he is important to the process.

It’s going to be a transition no doubt. For us all. But I hope to lessen the impact by easing the change as much as possible.

I really feel like Jack is going to be a great big brother. I know there are going to be bumps in the road but my hope is that they grow up to not only be brothers but friends.