It’s crazy that we have been living a COVID life for a year. And as I reflect on this past year, all I can say is that we got through it. One day at a time. But not without stress, anxiety and tears.

Rewind to this time last year. I was so scared. I remember going into the grocery store just before the lockdown and you could feel the tension and fear. Shelves were bare of food and essentials. I stood in a very long line and remember texting Dave and saying how I couldn’t wait to get out of there. Someone had just coughed behind me and almost gave me a panic attack. All of a sudden being around people terrified me. Within a week our family of four were home and we would remain that way for the next 4 months. Dave would be the only one to go out for groceries and errands. I became that person who feared leaving the house.

Cole & Jack went to daycare and school one day, never to return. Dave and I would both start working from home.

This was our first day at home. It was a beautiful day so we made sure we got outside. The boys biked and I walked.

Over the coming months we managed because of structure. I had to make somewhat of a schedule to keep us all sane. A set time for playtime, outside time, tv time and school time. I would start work early in the morning and work later at night to accommodate the breaks with the kids. But we got into our groove eventually and had lots of little adventures close to home.

What to say about homeschooling… You know, on top of working full time and being a full time parent to a 5 year old not in school, I also had to teach my 7 year old!! The first week there were so many meltdowns. And not by my kids. How were we supposed to manage it all? By losing our minds I guess! We fumbled through it. There was a reason I never became a teacher though.

The summer was definitely a break. The kids were home all the time still but played outside the majority of the day so we still were able to get our work done. They had a summer like I had growing up. Staying outside for hours and hours. It was a great thing! I started going back into the office a couple days a week. As much as I was still uncomfortable being around people, being able to see people again in person was nice. We were able to see our families and have them over for dinner. I had socially distant dinners outside with two close friends. We went on some trips locally to Cultus Lake and camping on the island. It felt pretty normal. Ish.

The summer also brought us Daisy whom I can’t imagine life without now. She brings us so much joy!!

Meet Daisy!

In September the kids starting at a new school and that brought a whole new set of anxieties for me. Cole was starting Kindergarten and Jack was starting Grade 2. Apparently it was needless for me to worry. The boys embraced their new school and made friends easily! But the anxieties around COVID in school still existed.

The boys were also back playing in their soccer league and playing games which they loved!

And then the numbers started to go up again. And up. And up. And with that November brought the restrictions that have kept us from family and friends. We didn’t get to have anyone over for Christmas dinner like we had planned. No family dinners or birthday celebrations. We zoom and text and keep in touch but it’s not the same.

Covid Santa photos

Meanwhile, there are the anti maskers who only care about themselves and how wearing a mask infringes upon their freedoms. Or the people who simply can’t follow the rules- that the rules couldn’t possibly apply to their family so they continue to have their celebrations and travel.

My level of anxiety hasn’t increased but it hasn’t decreased either. Every time one of the kids gets sick, I wonder if this is it. Luckily we have remained covid negative despite multiple tests done for everyone in the household at various times throughout the past year. There has only been two cases at the boys school over the last 6 months which has been great. I have less anxiety when I go to stores but remain diligent.

With the vaccines being administered now, you start to wonder if there is an end to this. Will things ever go back to normal? Will we be living a life where people don’t shake hands or hug or stand close out of fear of catching something? Will will ever feel comfortable around people again? Will we be able to travel without fear? I can’t tell you how excited I am to travel. I have honestly researched all inclusive hotels in Mexico so that as soon as we can travel, we can book something. I long for a sense of normalcy whatever that looks like.

Our last family vacation in 2019

I think of this past year has taught me anything is that I will never take for granted the freedoms we had. Seeing friends & family. Travelling. Going to concerts. The little things in life.

This year there was so much pressure for us to do it all without much thought to how it affects us mentally. And that seems so unfair. I have never been so tired. I think I will forever be changed from COVID. But I hope to one day be able to say, remember that time when, and have me smile because despite the anxieties and fear, it was the year that I got to spend with my three boys.